We Heal and Hurt in Layers
Mistakes happen. Our feelings get hurt. In relationships, when we keep doing the same thing over and over, this can add layers to our hurt. Healing also happens as we live in relationship. We heal from mistakes and as we learn and grow, we heal deeper and deeper. This is healing the layers inside. We heal and hurt in layers.
Another aspect of healing in layers is meeting what we really think about ourselves and the world around us.
Take a moment and complete these statements:
The world is…
The answers give you a glimpse into your own personal world view. This is what you bring into every relationship. You get to decide what your world view is which means it is changeable.
“As You Think, So Shall You Be.” ― Wayne W. Dyer, No Excuses!
“The world is against me, unfair, unkind or negative.”
“People are mean, unpredictable, to be feared.”
“I am undeserving or not good enough.”
If I believe the world is not fair, I will be in relationship seeing “unfair”. If I feel people are mean, I focus on what I think is mean. If I feel I am undeserving, I will push away what I really want because I do not think I am good enough to get that. This tunnel vision limits what we look for and see out of our lens. How could communication be influenced by this? How could we look for the praiseworthy things in our relationships instead of the shortcomings?
Sharing your world view in a relationship can enhance communication and help to make sense of thoughts, words, and behaviors. No world view is wrong, it is just information. Information is valuable and can help you design how you want to be together. Being curious can lead to questions like, “I see you are frustrated. Do you feel alone in this task? How can I support you?” or “I don’t know how you can see the best in this! Help me to see the bright side of this.”
You can always rewrite your inner narrative. You can create your world view any way you wish it to be by deciding what YOU want it to be now.
“The world is full of possibility.”
“People are kind.”
“I am love.”
The oldest layers come from what we learned to believe as children. Changing that world view is remarkable and oftentimes life altering. As you make changes, new awareness happens. In these moments of growth, we heal again and find greater peace. You can re-decide anytime you wish to change your world view. It just takes knowing what your current world view is and picking what you want it to be. Mindfulness of thought, words, and actions in this reshuffling of world view produces change. We think, talk, and act differently when we are aware of how we see the world.
As a coach I love to help individuals and couples to discover how to re-imagine what is possible in any relationship. Are you ready for the challenge?